A recent discussion on
Dalrock turned to the direction of this blog (
link)
Whether by seminar or some other method, there ought to be a way for older men to teach younger men how to lead in their own homes. A lot of men didn’t learn it from their fathers – that’s part of the problem. So to say that men should learn this from their fathers doesn’t help.
None of the churches my husband and I ever went to provided any help. They just told men to “love your wives as Christ loved the church”. OK, that’s nice, but it doesn’t tell them how to lead. It doesn’t help to tell women to submit without helping the men learn to be leaders of their families either. One of the churches we went to tried that. Well, it’s a little hard to follow someone who isn’t leading. In my opinion, it’s best to start from the head and work down. Get the man to lead, then the woman to submit, then the children to follow along.
Read the discussion that follows. Understand that not all people contributing to the conversation have the responsibility of raising young boys. When I read that conversation, I heard myself say, "RTP, quit complaining and map out a plan."
I tossed around a number of ways to start as I continued ot read the replies. It sort of dawned on me that not all men know how to lead, especially younger men. It's not that they're unwilling or unable, but they may never have been in leadership positions or in situations that allow them to witness strong leadership.
I recently read a book,
Leading Change, by John Kotter. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a copy of the book in our office. In it, Kotter describes a common failing. We hire good engineers to be managers of engineers, but they may be lousy managers. We also believe managers can lead change. Managers are not leaders.
From the book (p.26):
Management: Produces a degree of predictability and order and has the potential to consistantly produce the short-term results expected by various stake-holders.
Leadership: Produces change, often to a dramatic degree, and has the potential to produce extremely useful change.
The military and Department of Defense are well regarded because their managers are also expected to lead. They invest enormous sums in grooming officers and noncommissioned officers to be capable managers and transformational leaders. The phrase drilled into my head, though not unique to the military, was "Lead by example." However, if you are not effective in the "short game," you can charge off into the sunset alone.
If you want to be a Red Pill Parent (RPP), you need to have the skills to manage (short term, routines, predictability) and to lead (vision, inspiration, steady during uncertainty). Before I can expect my boys to follow me, I better get my house in order, train up, and have a plan in place.
Read the discussion that follows. Understand that not all people contributing to the conversation have the responsibility of raising young boys. When I read that conversation, I heard myself say, "RTP, quit complaining and map out a plan."
I tossed around a number of ways to start as I continued ot read the replies. It sort of dawned on me that not all men know how to lead, especially younger men. It's not that they're unwilling or unable, but they may never have been in leadership positions or in situations that allow them to witness strong leadership.
I recently read a book, Leading Change, by John Kotter. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a copy of the book in our office. In it, Kotter describes a common failing. We hire good engineers to be managers of engineers, but they may be lousy managers. We also believe managers can lead change. Managers are not leaders.
From the book (p.26):
The military and Department of Defense are well regarded because their managers are also expected to lead. They invest enormous sums in grooming officers and noncommissioned officers to be capable managers and transformational leaders. The phrase drilled into my head, though not unique to the military, was "Lead by example." However, if you are not effective in the "short game," you can charge off into the sunset alone.
If you want to be a Red Pill Parent (RPP), you need to have the skills to manage (short term, routines, predictability) and to lead (vision, inspiration, steady during uncertainty). Before I can expect my boys to follow me, I better get my house in order, train up, and have a plan in place.