MRAs and Game

There has been a lot of digital ink spilled over this topic.  I'm not sure where I stand in this respect: Do I teach my boys game?  I'm trying to raise Christians and the ultimate goal of game is sex.  I know some guys can weave a path between the two.  I'm just not sure it can be done.

The MRAs have brought to light some major issues that my sons will need to handle in the future.  I'd be reckless if I raised my sons to be unaware of what's out there.  They need to know the nature of hypergamy.  They need to spot the problems within the church and the feminist corruption of Scripture.  They must be prepared for marriage, if they make that choice.

At the University of Man, Prof Mantu wrote a piece that touches on something I've got to be careful about.  Too much emphasis on my particular situation (baseless divorce, false charges, debt) can easily lead to lasting bitterness.  When I studied game, I think it was Roosh V that pointed something out to a guy.  The guy was getting bitter about encountering hypergamy.  Roosh spotted the problem immediately.  The guy was studying, learning, but wasn't doing approaches.  So, he was psyching himself right out of the market.

My divorce isn't final and she will drag it out to the last possible day, even though she initiated it.  I will be re-entering the dating market at 41 or so.  I'll need to do my own soul searching because I didn't do "chaste" well in my 20s.  I also have a number of advantages that a number of guys in my situation and age group don't have going for them.

Touching on the previous post, my sons will see me with another woman(women).  I have no interest in parading them in front of my boys, but it will be a reality and maybe a way to teach and prepare them by showing them how to do things.  In truth, I don't think I would've been as focused on this aspect, had the ex not decided to blow apart our family. 

If you have the misfortune of reading the last few posts, understand that I'm still trying to get a feel for the direction I want to go.  The first rule of learning to write well is to write, write, write.  Growing pains in the blogosphere.

Leadership

A recent discussion on Dalrock turned to the direction of this blog (link)

Whether by seminar or some other method, there ought to be a way for older men to teach younger men how to lead in their own homes. A lot of men didn’t learn it from their fathers – that’s part of the problem. So to say that men should learn this from their fathers doesn’t help.
None of the churches my husband and I ever went to provided any help. They just told men to “love your wives as Christ loved the church”. OK, that’s nice, but it doesn’t tell them how to lead. It doesn’t help to tell women to submit without helping the men learn to be leaders of their families either. One of the churches we went to tried that. Well, it’s a little hard to follow someone who isn’t leading. In my opinion, it’s best to start from the head and work down. Get the man to lead, then the woman to submit, then the children to follow along.

Read the discussion that follows.  Understand that not all people contributing to the conversation have the responsibility of raising young boys.  When I read that conversation, I heard myself say, "RTP, quit complaining and map out a plan."

I tossed around a number of ways to start as I continued ot read the replies.  It sort of dawned on me that not all men know how to lead, especially younger men.  It's not that they're unwilling or unable, but they may never have been in leadership positions or in situations that allow them to witness strong leadership.

I recently read a book, Leading Change, by John Kotter.  You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a copy of the book in our office.  In it, Kotter describes a common failing.  We hire good engineers to be managers of engineers, but they may be lousy managers.  We also believe managers can lead change. Managers are not leaders.

From the book (p.26):

Management: Produces a degree of predictability and order and has the potential to consistantly produce the short-term results expected by various stake-holders.

Leadership: Produces change, often to a dramatic degree, and has the potential to produce extremely useful change.

The military and Department of Defense are well regarded because their managers are also expected to lead.  They invest enormous sums in grooming officers and noncommissioned officers to be capable managers and transformational leaders.  The phrase drilled into my head, though not unique to the military, was "Lead by example."  However, if you are not effective in the "short game," you can charge off into the sunset alone.

If you want to be a Red Pill Parent (RPP), you need to have the skills to manage (short term, routines, predictability) and to lead (vision, inspiration, steady during uncertainty).  Before I can expect my boys to follow me, I better get my house in order, train up, and have a plan in place.

Get Started!

As soon as I came to my new realization, I wanted to get moving in the right direction as quickly as possible.  The resources cited will certainly help.  Just like when you buy a computer, you have the extensive and exhaustive manual and you also have the "Quick Start Guide."
Men, Badger Hut has done that work for you.

Things to do Right Now

The good news, for me, is that I am already doing almost all of this list.  The one point I missed is about the fish oil.  Going to pick some up today.

It's funny, to me.  All the chatter about women being more capable of bonding and having stronger relationship skills, yet the manosphere is full of guys working hard to help other guys.  They aren't nasty about it.  They don't ridicule those who are unaware of the Red Pill/Blue Pill.  They patiently explain, give advice, and post their own trials and failures for others to benefit.

A Gentleman's Guide

Shortly after my ex decided to blow up our family, I wrote a guide for my sons.  The guide is pamphlet style and covers topics from picking the right suit to silverware settings to how to be a Best Man.  I may publish sections of it, for guys who were raised by single moms and may not have the benefit of having a father, like mine (second to none).  Much of it is still useful, but one part seems so bizarre now that I can’t believe my worldview shifted so dramatically in such a short span.

I had a section titled, “Ladies.”  In it, I provided the time honored etiquette for treating a young lady.  At first, I laughed at the absurdity I intended to teach my boys.  Then, I realized more sadness because I believe it is the way women should be treated.  However, the modern woman bears little resemblance to the women of fifty years ago.  Society has masculinized them, told them to pursue manly goals, shamed them from pursuing feminine interests, and high-fived whorish behavior.

As I list the guide for treating Ladies, the men who have taken the Red Pill will have a far different reaction to the list than the men who haven’t (like me, only months ago).  Here was the list:

Always open doors

Offer your seat to women

Always carry a woman’s package

Put her coat on

Help her with her seat

Stand at attention when a lady enters or leaves a room

Give her your arm (escort)

Ask her if she needs anything

And on and on…

Keep in mind, I don’t mind doing these things and this is how I was raised.  However, the modern woman will not view these gestures in the same manner as women of decades ago because she has been taught to not respect men.  Men are buffoons, the butt of jokes, the predators, and as useful as a bicycle for fish.

Also, understand that there are differences between the dating world and Long Term Relationships (LTR).  LTR is a far deeper commitment between a man and a woman.  For those in a LTR, I point you to helpful resources, such as Married Man Sex Life.  I am hopeful that I will have a LTR in the future, but I’m going in with my eyes wide open next time.

Red Pill Parenting

I have two sons and no intentions to have more.  I’m going to focus on raising sons.  Will I ever talk about raising girls?  Possibly, but not to start.

 How do you raise boys to avoid the traps set out before them?  I remember a passage from a book I read while married, “Raising a Modern Day Knight.”  The author recounts a story about Robert E. Lee.

Lee was walking in the woods with his young son following.  The snow was deep and fresh.  After some time, he looked back to see how his son was doing.  He noticed his son struggled to get his feet to match his father’s pace and to only walk in the tracks his father put down.  It was at that point that Lee said to himself (paraphrase), “If my son is to follow my steps, I had better to walk as straight a path as possible.”

In that spirit, I think a father’s primary duty is to carry himself as the Alpha.  I won’t get into the natural vs. learned debate.  As far as I’m concerned, “fake it til you make it” should work if your goal is to provide an example to your sons. 

The web is an incredible resource for men who feel something is terribly wrong, but can’t put their finger on it.  It goes by several names and has a number of schools of thought.  Search out terms, like manosphere, alpha male, game, and PUA.  Your world will open, if your ready.

My initial motivation was re-entering the dating market.  I’m an INTJ and one of the stronger traits of that personality is knowing what you don’t know.  So, I sought the experts in the field and came across the Pick-Up Artist (PUA) community.  Their market is mid-20s men, mostly.  However, the work they’ve done on inter-gender relationships is extraordinary and shouldn’t be casually dismissed as simply “seduction.”

I will not try to cover the ground others covered.  My work will stand on the shoulders of giants.  If you are interested in being educated on how the world shifted and how the game is meant to be played naturally, I suggest you hit the blogs I’ve linked to the right and start reading.  In addition to the blogs, spend the money for books, like “Rules of the Game” (Nick Strauss), “The Mystery Method” (Erik von Markovik), “Bang” (Roosh V).  Let them lead you to additional resources.  Don’t dismiss them because they lack formal credentials.  Their understanding of the male and female psyche is deserving of honorary degrees, given the volume of field research and written work.  Don't ignore them because you don't want to be a pickup artist.  What they can teach you has benefits beyond their field of interest.

Educate yourself.  Relearn what you forgot (my case).  Learn what you should have learned.  For some, it will come more naturally.  For others, you will need to “fake it til you make it.”  Once it clicks, though, the world starts making much more sense (how people actually interact) as it also make even less sense (how everyone says they should interact).

If your father walked in your shoes, he’d be floored by the differences between dating in the 50s, 60s and even 70s and now.  You owe it to your sons to educate yourself, walk the path, show them the way, and reinforce the fundamentals if they stumble into beta-hood.

Taking the Red Pill

I don’t recall the precise moment I took the Red Pill.  What is the Red Pill?  It is the moment when you realize you have been mal-programmed “for your own good” by your family, your society, and even your church.  You come to understand that your natural instincts are a better guide for natural relationships.  It is not forgoing the advances of civil society.  It is relying on time tested methods and biologically based factors to increase your value to the world.

I was living in a fairly natural state during my 20s.  I served in the military, went through college, had a number of women pass in and out of my life, and didn’t feel anything was particularly “missing.”  Eventually, I met a woman and married her.  We have two great boys.  After five years, our marriage was in serious trouble.  I believed a greater commitment to my religion would help.  After ten years, she blew apart the marriage, filed false claims, tried to turn my sons against me, and proceeded to deplete our shared resources in a pointless divorce.

What went wrong?  I was the father I was told to be.  I worked every day, providing a good income.  I was a coach, cubmaster, and emotionally available father.  I read countless books on improving the marriage, asked the ex to go to counseling, and offered to go through any program she wanted in an effort to improve our marriage.  In the end, she was unhaaapy and decided to divorce.
What went wrong was the culture shifted under my feet as I grew.  I was no match for “no-fault” divorce, the masculinization of women, and the cultural erosion of traditional roles.

The modern husband cannot expect to play the same role as his father (if he was lucky enough to live with him).

The modern father cannot raise his sons as passively as our fathers raised us.

There is a war going on in American culture and men are as passive as the West is toward Islam.